PLEASE NOTE: This is a ROUGH DRAFT. It is the VERY FIRST DRAFT OF THE STORY. YOU are the very first person to read it – I haven’t even read it in its entirety yet!
You WILL come across numerous issues including:
- spelling mistakes;
- grammar issues;
- weak sentence structure;
- repeated words;
- unnecessary words;
- missing words;
- lack of details/descriptions;
- confusing details/descriptions;
Critiques/criticisms, while appreciated, most likely will be discarded at this stage! Thank you.
Additional Note: Doodles, Sketches, and Artwork may be added over time. These are not the story illustrations! They do feature characters and places within the story, however.
Brent shot up from his bed. He felt as if he were buzzing. He slipped out and opened his curtians. The rising sun greeted him with its gentle, warm glow and the night sky seemed to wave good-bye. He opened up the windows and took in the fresh air. The last bit of grogginess he was experienced washed away with the breeze that brushed his face as it poured in through the window and flooded his room.
Brent quickly got dressed and left, rushing down the corridor. He walked into the servants quarters and looked at the servants schedule one more time with nervous anticipation, only to be grinning up to his ears.
Listed on the schedule for the late afternoon was Brent assisting Angelica with her ball gown. I cannot believe it is still here. I cannot belive it did not change.
Brent couldn’t fathom how he was fortunate to have been assigned such an important duty. It didn’t even bother him with the fact that he wasn’t going to be the only one – Bedelia and Natalia were both going to be there too. Okay, sure, he didn’t really like the idea of Bedelia being there, but just the fact he was even going to be within the vicintiy to assist with Angelica getting ready for the ball was more than enough. This was exactly why he needed to get the choker done today. He tapped his pocket, checking to make sure it was still in there.
Brent quickly skimmed over the rest of his schedule – he was to first help set up the ballroom with the final touches for tonight’s ball, then the kitchen for additional ballroom preparations. From there, he was to report to the dressing room and be on stand-by beside Princess Angelica’s newest dress that was to arrive later today.
Brent began to tremble. He could not wait to get the day started.
Brent stared up at the dress that had been wheeled in not too long ago. He could only imagine what Angelica would like wearing it, with its boned top and skirt made of layers upon layers of tulle. And what he could imagine, he knew she would be absolutely beautiful, even if she continued to look miserable at the ball.
He pulled a small book out of his pocket and leaned against the wall. The book’s cover appeared to be well-loved with its rough edges and fading ink. The binding appeared to be curling, but the book held together surprisingly well. It was simply tilted “Air Magic Notes”. Brent had no idea if he had any genuine magic power – although in all honesty, he suspected he did – but the book was interesting to him. It was written by King Aerlden, before he was king – back when he was just a simple court mage. The notes were brief and to the point, but detailed enough for Brent to follow along. A part of him longed to try them for himself, but fear of him causing harm stopped him.
I wonder how much of the ability described in here is a natural gift or due to hard work? Brent looked at his own hand. He wjggled his fingers, as if trying to warm them up somehow. A faint blue glow began to surround his hand. His stomach clenched, noticing the faint outline.
“Brent, bring the dress, now!”
Brent jumped, whipping his head towards the door. He stuffed the book back into his pocket and ran behind the dress. “Yes, ma’am!” he replied, watching Bedelia promptly turning her back to him. Brent’s heart pounded as he pushed the dress out the door.
Brent stumbled forward as Bedelia swiped the dress from him and whealed it behind the partition.
“Natalia, get back here!” yelled Bedelia.
Natalia and Brent exchanged smiles before Natalia raised her hand. “Yes, Ms. Bedelia!”
Just before Natalia slipped behind the curtain, she said, “The princess requested her baby pink folding fan with the dark pink sparkles. I need you to grab it!” She winked and disappeared behind the paritition.
Brent mumbled “yes” under his breath as he turned his attention briefly to the curtain. Although he couldn’t see anything in detail, he could still see the outline of Angelica’s body. He watched the sihollhoute of her bathrobe drop to the floor and her standing with nothing on, surrounding by both Bedelia and Natalia on either side. He smirk spread across his face, which quickly softened as his heartbeat dropped. I can’t even see how she fully looks, but I can tell she is just so beautiful. He watched Bedelia and Natalia quickly dress Angelica just like a doll.
Brent suddenly felt jolted. He looked around, only to remember there was no clock in the room. Her fan! He ran out of the room, down the corridor, going one floor up to Angelica’s bedroom. He quickly, but quietly opened her door and slipped right in. He held his breath, feeling as if he was doing something he wasn’t supposed to be doing. He walked over to her armoire and opened the double doors. He turned his head to his right, scanning the long row of folded fans hanging off from it on hooks. He spotted the requested fan, grabbed it, shut the armoire, and slipped back out of the room.
Brent’s eyes met with Angelica’s as he entered back into the room. He couldn’t even breath a word. His face lit up as he watched her’s do the same. Angelica skipped up to him, exclaiming, “Oh, Brent, you brought my fan!”
Brent presented the fan to Angelica. “Yes, of course Princess Angelica, anything you desire, I will do my best to fulfill your request,”
Brent shivered ever so slightly as Angelica brushed her fingers against his hand as she was taking the fan out of it. They looked at each other right in the eyes: Brent’s was just screaming about how beautiful Angelica looked. Angelica’s seemed to be asking him what he thought about her.
Just as Angelica finished removing the fan from Brent’s hands, Bedelia stepped in between them. She leered at Brent, who returned it right back to her. Bedelia slightly turned her heads towards Princess Angelica, keeping her angered gaze on Brent. “Princess, there is no time!”
“You keep saying that! It’ll take no time at all – just watch,” said Angelica. She yanked the tie that was in her hair, allowing her wet hair to settle on her back.
Brent silently snickered watching Bedelia become speechlessly flustered as Angelica walked passed her to the lit vanity. With swift movements, Angelica used her fan and air magic to quickly dry her hair and flair out her her bangs. His smirk grew as Angelica whipped her head back at Bedelia with smugness. “I told you it would not take me all that long.”
Bedelia clicked her tongue.
Brent laughed internally.
Brent’s attention briefly turned away from Angelica, who was putting on her tiara, by Natalia who let out a whispery gasp and ran out from behind the partition, holding a pair of heels from behind the partition.
“I would say my outfit is complete.”
“Oh, but princess! Your shoes!”
“Thank you, Natalia.”
Brent watched Angelica lift up the bottom of her dress high enough to expose half her calves. Natalia knelt down and slipped on the princess’s heals. Bedelia walked away from Brent and moved closer to Angelica and Natalia.
“You are lucky that we have such efficient staff. Now, put on your gloves. We best be going.”
Angelica slipped on her gloves and turned to Bedelia with her fan. “You and Natalia are dismissed.”
Natalia stood up and bowed. “Yes, Princess.”
“Thank you for all your help.”
“You are too kind.”
Natalia passed by Brent, gave him a smile and a wink, and exited out of the room. Brent couldn’t stop smiling.
Brent moved closer towards Bedelia and Angelica, entering into their vision fields.
Angelica raised her head. “I dimissed you as well.” She bore her stare into Bedelia’s eyes.
Bedelia turned her scowling face towards Brent. “You are to head to the kitchen next.”
Brent’s smile disappeared, his face seeming blank of emotion. “Yes, ma’am.”
Angelica moved beside Brent, immeditately causing him to relax his body. “Bedelia, I dismissed you, not Brent. I understand that you are head of all servants as appointed by my parents, but I am second to my parents in terms of final say. He is to stay with me until I dismiss him.”
“Princess Angelica, the cooks need help preparing the feast for tonight.”
“Brent is to stay with me until I dismiss him.”
Bedelia paused for a moment, leering at Angelica. Angelica and Brent both leered back. “…as you wish. But please be aware, I shall bring this up to your parents.”
Bedelia walked past them and out of the room.
Brent and Angelica stood there in complete silence, listening for the footsteps to completely disappear down the hall.
“Is she gone?”
Brent first started walking backwards, but soon pivoted and poked his head out the door. He looked both ways down the corridor, seeing no one in sight. The corridor was so empty, it was as if it was keeping a secret. He pulled himself back inside and flashed a smile at Angelica, still holding on the doorframe. “Yes. No other servants besides from myself in sight.”
Brent watched the layers of Angelica’s dress bounce up and down as she scurried towards the door. She grabbed his hands and gently pulled him further inside, getting him out of the view of the door. “How do I look?”
Brent’s gaze softened, looking at her pink multi-layered gown. It had been finished up only a few hours ago in a rush – from Brent’s understanding it was missing a few minor finishing touches, but there was no time left to out them out. The top of her gown appeared to be similar to a corset and pushed her bosoms up and together. Ruffles ran down the seams of the top. Her sleeves exposed her shoulders with longer pieces cascading down that flowed behind when she walked. Spilling out from the bottom was layers upon layers of sparkly tulle, making it hard to distguish one layer from the other.
Brent grasped Angelica’s hands tighter, pulling them closer to his face. “You are the most beautful lady in all the land as always, Princess. Shame I couldn’t accompany you.”
Angelica gave him a solemn smile. “Such a shame, indeed.”
“I’m sure there will be many fine gentlemen to your liking.”
Brent lowered his & Angelica’s hands. He began to take a step back, physically distancing himself from her. The scowl that appeared on Angelica’s face halted him from doing anymore. “Why are you distancing yourself from me now?”
Brent forced a big smile on his face. “I’m just concerned about your future.”
Angelica removed one hand from Brent and place it on her hip, slightly turning away from him. She lowered her head, gazing into his eyes with a succulent pout. “Do I even have to say it?”
Brent’s toes curled looking back into her eyes and he bit his lip.
The edges of Angelica’s mouth slightly turned upward. “There are no other gentleman but you.”
Brent mirrored back Angelica’s smirk. He lifted her hand up to his mouth. “Good thing I’ll still be there when you get bored, ya?”
Angelica giggled in return. “I might just have to bother you then.”
Brent kissed her hand. “I welcome it.”