Hey, trainees! How are you doing?
I feel like I’ve kind of had a rough couple of weeks…well, I guess more like almost a month? Or two?
I mentioned it in a previous post, but I was experiencing depression back in April. Although it subsided around the 16th/17th that month, I could still feel its effects well into May. Not to mention I got knocked off-kilter and found myself “slipping” back into old thought patterns and habits.
This started from some information I received from one of my family members regarding another family member’s opinion on what is currently going on with me. I think that might have been where I started to slip into old patterns. I felt like I needed to hurry up and make money from this Network of mine NOW, now later. I was willing to compromise my vision and started looking ways to do a primitive form of it. I was focusing on money – which, I have consistently noticed, is exactly what takes me away from receiving it in the first place! I started to have doubts in my own purpose and mission and started to feel frustrated.
I had this nice breakthrough though when I received a divine download that something better is coming for my Network and I have better things to focus on right now. It really put into perspective my current financial situation – I’m actually really grateful I don’t have tons and tons of money on me right now because I definitely would have dropped money on plugins that I don’t need in a desperate attempt to seem more “legitimate”!
My whole viewpoint had shifted as well. In the past, I used to feel like I needed to have less money on me in order to prevent me from spending it – I felt shame and guilt at spending in the past, mainly because I’m so afraid of other people hating or disliking me because I genuinely love to spend money – but I found myself most recently realizing that the amount of money I have in my bank accounts is perfect for the present moment! It is the way it is because I was in a place where I was acting out of desperation and desire, not faith and innocence. Less money prevented me from spending from that place of desperation and desire.
I do genuinely love to spend money. A part of my recent healing of money issues has been embracing the fact I genuinely love to spend it and understanding my internal queues of when it’s time to spend and time to pause, plus what is a yes, what is a no, and what doesn’t matter whether or not I purchase it.
It’s also having the faith knowing my money isn’t going to run out.
If anything, it’s impossible.
I always have money. And I will continue to always have money.
I’m sure for some, that sounds ridiculous and that’s fine – I’m writing this entry mostly for my future self. I think there’s something too in it for other people, but this is mostly for me.
A lot of this time has honestly been recovering from April’s depression, desperation & desire, and getting clarity on what to do next.
Two Goals, One Reached
I had two goals for May: finish writing the shorter definitions for my word lists for Japanese and finish writing “Stolen Personality” by May 17th.
I fluctuated a lot between doubt and faith.
Ultimately, I managed to finish the definitions – which to me, was actually my priority, oddly enough – on time.
“Stolen Personality”, on the other hand, I found…
…I was bored.
Which I’ll get into that in a moment.
For my word list, I waited…I think a day before I decided what to do next. My next action ended up being to start making a spreadsheet. It’s going well enough so far, but I’ve determined that I need to take a bit of a break from it for right this moment. Mainly because I feel like there is a faster, easier way to do what I am doing, but I don’t know what that is yet – while still getting the benefits of typing things manually.
So…during this break, I’m focusing on other things.
“Stolen Personality” is not a boring story by any means. I don’t think so, anyway. I actually really like Lollie and her friends. Ciar makes me laugh. Kendra and Panthora have a wonderful dynamic going on that I’m really looking forward to writing more of when I get back to writing it. I want to dive deeper into Sally’s back story and how her whole family came to be vampires and the other events surrounding it. I think it all sounds so interesting and it’s fun.
I am bored though.
What am I bored of, exactly?
I had to feel that out and my ultimate conclusion was two things: 1.) I was bored of just writing for one of my worlds when I have 6 with stories waiting for me to write and 2.) I kept repeating that I wanted to try writing two stories at once. And that felt good.
I was hesitant to write two stories at once, fearing it would take me out of the flow of each story, but once I realized I was bored and the reasons why, I decided…nah, it’s not going to take me out of the flow. If anything, it’ll help me keep it.
It didn’t take too long before I decided on the two stories I was going to write next.
But I didn’t jump on them right away.
Noting the boredom I had, plus a different event recently (not related to the beginning of the entry) that reminded me that all I want to do is the work I’m here to do, I decided to rest and really feel into my next movements.
A started to be able to see the bigger picture and understood what was happening to me: why I fell into depression and felt so disconnected. Why I got desperate. Why I started to push for things to happen, instead of just letting them flow which works SO much better.
And what is the “why”?
I was shifting again.
I’ve noticed this for a long time now that I can do the same thing for quite a while, then all of a sudden I can’t. It’s really weird to experience and hard to describe. I guess it’s like a current going one way, then changing directions after a while and suddenly. I see it in my mind as a ball of water that shifts directions periodically, but I don’t actually know what direction until it actually happens.
I used to beat myself up about it a lot in the past because it actually seems super flaky. It made me feel incapable of finishing anything. Even though now I know that isn’t true – rather, it’s important to follow the shifts in the “current” of my activities and trust that if I am meant to get back to something, I will.
From about mid-January to the end of March, I had a pattern of reading, doing something related to learning Japanese, and writing one story at a time. I did eventually expand to include doing sketches as well. Even now, my base pattern seems to be reading, learning Japanese, and writing my stories.
I knew the shift was taking place in April, but I didn’t fully register that’s exactly what it is until later.
Now I can see I’ve had a lane shift.
It looks a lot like the previous lane, but with a big detail change: I’m writing 2 stories in 2 different worlds. I’m not longer writing one story for one world.
There’s also the fact I want to write these rambles and I’m doing other smaller things too.
Making a Comic…Again
I had started doing a comic regarding the way I was feeling. It’s still not done yet and I haven’t touched in quite a bit. It’s actually pretty long at the moment and I just…like…I don’t really feel like doing anything that long right now, you know?
But I had been reading manga and could just feel deep in my stomach that I wanted to stop reading and just start drawing a comic.
So, I got up and did one page of the aforementioned comic, but determined it wasn’t the one I wanted to work on.
So what did I want to work on?
And by a comic, I mean two comics.
But I decided to go with the first one – we get to see the actual events of what happens to Spark’s phone, as mentioned in “Untitled Spark & Vainstrel Story 2”.
I could feel it was truly going to be short and at 9 pages…yes! It’s short, especially in comparison to the other two comics I had started!
At the moment, the comic has the storyboard finished. I have draw the base drawings for the first two pages as well. I’m slowly hacking away at them, although I don’t know if anything will come of it.
Rest, Relax, and Watch
I’ve been wanting a portable blu-ray player for a while now. The thought occurred to me when I was thinking about how I wanted to be able to watch the blu-rays I have on me any time I wanted to without having to kick my husband off the TV and without being disrupted (or limit disruptions).
I was journalling about it one day and I got one of the divine downloads that I could ask my mom. I asked my mom about it and she ended up ordering me one, as well as dedicated headphones for it!
Initially, I was going to watch BELLE, but once I received my portable blu-ray player, I felt like watching Kyo Kara Maoh! instead.
And honestly, I think Kyo Kara Maoh! was the best choice for the current moment.
If you don’t know what Kyo Kara Maoh! is, it’s an isekai light novel series from the 2000s that had an anime and a manga adaption. The light novels never came out in English. I believe Tokyopop originally had the manga’s license back in the day, but VIZ Media license-rescued it at some point. Geneon Entertainment had released the first two seasons here, but went under before season 3 or the OVA could be licensed (I think). I learned only in the past two years or so that Discotek Media not only license-rescued the first two seasons, but also licensed season 3 AND the OVA!
I had ordered the Kyo Kara Maoh! blu-rays for Christmas of the first three seasons, but chose to hold off on the OVA. (I can tell you, I wish I had the OVA on me now)
I still distinctly remember learning of season 3 during high school and remarking that the show must be really good if it went on for a third season! My friend during that time was like “not necessarily” and it annoyed me. I’m currently working through season 3 and…while I think you can watch the first two seasons perfectly fine without the third (it wraps up the original storyline nicely), I can also say I wish it had gone on for longer! I would happily have watched two or three more seasons of Kyo Kara Maoh!
I recently bought digital Japanese copies of the light novels as well – well, the first four books in the series anyway. It’s on my list to read next and make word lists from. I wanted to take the time to watch the anime first though. I don’t know how accurate the anime is to the novels, but it’ll at least (hopefully) serve as some context for me. Unlike manga, I don’t have pictures to provide context for words.
I really like Kyo Kara Maoh!. When I had started rewatching it a few months ago, I had felt slightly uncomfortable because it stirred up feelings of high school. I felt like cringing, remembering my group of friends during that time. The series also really does feel like a 2000s anime (of course it does – that’s because it is). After I returned back to watching the series though, I was able to simply enjoy it.
I know I had most of season 1 on DVD and some of season 2. By the time I collected the series, it was out of print, I’m pretty sure. Especially season 2. I think though I watched most of season 1 because as I was watching it this time around, I started to remember a lot of things regarding the series. I definitely didn’t finish it though until the other day!
It’s been wonderful watching the 3rd season as well – which is fantastic. I’m on Disc 3 now. I definitely feel sad that besides from the OVA, I’ll have to get my adventures of King Yuri and his friends elsewhere…like stumbling my way through the light novels in Japanese or actually reading the manga, which for some odd reason I never even tried to collect…I think.
Yuri (the main character) reminded me of something important during season 3. In season 3, he really embraces the fact that he is the Demon King and decides to rule over the Kingdom as such – in his very kind-hearted, action-first-think-later kind of way. I found myself really tapping into my own identity as trainerkelly and my long-term commitment to my Network, as well as the reasons why I even do this all in the first place.
I do this for me. I do this for me and I share it with you. I don’t know why I share it with you – but that’s not for me to know unless you tell me why you check out my work in the first place.
I create for me. I write for me. I draw for me. I do this all for me. And then I share it. This is what gets me to get back up and create. As soon as I start to focus on creating for others, that’s when I stop and get all caught up in my head. I know my works will still have an impact on others, even if I’m the one I’m creating for.
I feel a lot more relaxed and at peace now than I have earlier in the month thanks to this reminder.
In addition to being reminded of my own identity and commitment, I realized something else as to why Kyo Kara Maoh! is perfect for me right now: the two worlds I’m writing for next have a medieval Europe-fantasy vibe going on with them and that’s the sort of setting Kyo Kara Maoh! takes place in.
So…perfect mindset shift!
I’ve been feeling a lot more relaxed since watching it too in a lot of ways.
(Well, in addition to thinking about Megumi and Tsugumi volume 4 which just came out in Japan on May 17th. I bought it that day digitally and my package from Japan is almost here.)
Again, I wish there were more seasons! I would watch more. I definitely would watch more.
(It looks like the Kyo Kara Maoh! series is still going on in other forms of media in Japan! Aaaaaaaahh!!! I’m excited to experience more of Yuri’s adventures!!!)
I wonder if Wolfram and Yuri ever actually get married though. They’re adorable. Yuri’s super awkward and seems like he tries to forget about it, but Wolfram is clearly super committed to the whole thing. I can see Yuri just giving up eventually and accepting it as is. 😂
King Saralegi is hooooooot and gorgeous, but I still can’t tell whose side he is on. Probably his own.
Erm…okay, enough about my thoughts on the show and shiznit. Let’s talk about what I actually worked on today.
What I Actually Worked On Today
I started writing two stories: “Untitled Story (Neron)” and “Untitled Severin Story”. Yes, they’re both untitled because most of these stories…I haven’t named them yet and don’t plan on doing that until they’re closer to their final versions, since I should be able to feel out a better title for them.
Originally, I was going to write “Untitled Story (Neron)” and “The Blessed Curse – Part 1”, but when I stared at the outline for “The Blessed Curse – Part 1”, I realized going with Severin’s story was actually the better plan to start with.
Soooo…I’m about to talk about characters I don’t think I’ve talked about before nor do they have artwork. Well, minus two sketches in my sketchbook that literally do not do the characters justice. But these are some of my favorite characters.
Severin is the right-hand man of Prince/King Atrum of Obscruité from my planet Hierace. His story details how he became Atrum’s right-hand man all the way up to the ending of “The Blessed Curse – Part 2”. I kind of suspect I will be splitting “Untitled Severin Story” into multiple parts, but I haven’t decided yet on how I am going to do that.
I felt like Severin was an easier character to start of with for writing and because his story features the events that happen in “The Blessed Curse” series, in addition to providing additional backstory, I decided to go with his first.
So far, I actually love what I am writing:
“You have not yet figured out what you would like to do with your life, yes?” asked Severin’s father.
“I’m only fourteen. Am I supposed to have such a thing figured out by now?” spat Severin back. He watched both his parents leer at him. “It seems strange to me that we continue to carry such expectations when we all live for so long now.”
Severin’s mother slammed her hand on the table she stood next to. “Even if we do live longer, you must have some clue. You have expressed many times before you have no intention of continuing our orchard work, yet you do not have anything else decided.”
Severin clicked his tongue. He averted his gaze out to the window, seeing glowing lights from the workers still moving in the grape orchards all around the home. “I do not have interest in making wine nor do I know what else to do.” Severin looked forward. “I would like to keep reading though.”
Severin lifted his head. They’re going to nag me once more about that, aren’t they?
Severin’s parents exchanged looks. His father then lifted up a paper and stood up from his chair, holding it out to Severin.
Severin’s brow furrowed. His lips pursed curiously. Huh? His eyes scanned over the beautifully illustrated ad before him. He grasped the paper with both hands and looked to both his parents. “Prince Atrum’s exclusive aide?”
“You’ll get to read all you want,” said Severin’s father. His fingers tapped to the jobs details and benefits.
The castle most likely has a huge library, much more so than the nearby town… the very thought of entering the castle’s library excited Severin. He very quickly tempered his emotions. “But what are you suggesting?”
His mother took a step forward, placing a hand on Severin. “You spend all your days wandering out and about, never helping us with the family work. We do not have a problem with you deciding not to join our business, but it is a concern that you do not know what you would like to do with your life. You are smart and studious with a truly brilliant mind – we saw this job posting in the nearby town most recently and thought of you.”
“The First Prince of Obscruité is the same age as you and it seems the job would put your skills to good use.”
Severin grasped the paper in his hands. I can get away from this snooze-fest of an orchard?! His eyes glittered for a brief moment before going dull. No, perhaps they are getting rid of me.
“We would like you to apply.”
Severin pulled the advertisement closer to him. “But I most likely would never see you all again.”
Severin’s parents both stared at him straight in the eye.
“Would that bother you?” inquired his father.
Severin found himself swallowing back down the words “no, it wouldn’t at all.” He simply turned his gaze away from them. He then his mother snicker.
“Just get going. You are only a part of this family because I gave birth to you. But I don’t need a son who doesn’t help or make something of himself in other trades.”
Severin’s gut twisted. There was a bit of tug-of-war going between his gut and his heart. Why is it a problem to do just what I want for now? I can figure out what I want to do later on…
“I’ll have your brother take you to the capital tomorrow morning.” Severin’s father yanked the ad from Severin’s hands and folded it up. “I suggest you rest up now.”
“Okay.” Severin bowed his head. He stepped out from the door and lowered his head.
Just because I’m useless…the capital, huh? Is this my punishment for not knowing what I want to do now? Severin let out a grumble.
He made his way over to the stairs and headed up to his room. Underneath his breath he mumbled, “and which brother?!”Draft excerpt of “Untitled Severin Story” – © 2022 Kelly Mulry
Fun Fact: Severin is actually a super recent character, from when I was plotting out the stories. “The Blessed Curse” and Atrum actually have existed for a lot longer! It was when I was doing the full plot outline for the first part of “The Blessed Curse” that Severin appeared. I was actually super surprised!
Then we have “Untitled Story (Neron)” which takes place on my planet, Mysteristra. It’s about a young man named Neron who gets to go work at the capital and has a chance to embrace his spiritual gifts, which he was mostly hiding due to his older brother’s discomfort.
Neron’s story stands out to me for some reason, although I’m not entirely sure why as of yet. It’s usually one of the ones I remember from all the stories I plotted out. Well, that one and the adventures of Izan, Chelle, and Kalista (oh boy! I’m looking forward to sharing their adventures with you).
I took a pretty long break in between them in order to watch – you guessed it! Kyo Kara Maoh! season 3!!
I also sketched page 2 of that previously mentioned comic. And by “sketched”, I mean I drew the base sketch for it.
And now I’m doing this.
When Will the Stories Be Posted?
I don’t know right now.
I was originally going to have “Stolen Personality” posted on May 17th, but that fell through (which is fine – I could tell my priority was Japanese, even if that doesn’t seem to make much logical sense). Now I’m writing two other stories, but I am not sure if I want to post them immediately or if I want to wait until I write a few more before I resume posting again.
I’ll let you know though everywhere once I decide to post again.
If you haven’t read any of my works that are currently posted, I definitely invite you to go over to the stories site and check ’em out!
Other Random Things
Uuuuh…I learned that next month, chapter 22 of Megumi and Tsugumi FINALLY comes out! If I understood the announcement from Qpa correctly (Si Mitsuru is listed as one of the authors for next month).
I have been waiting since JANUARY.
For this dang chapter.
I’m glad I don’t have to wait until the fall though or something.
Goodness, chapter 21 ends with SUCH a cliffhanger that makes me run cold. I’m glad it’s finally continuing.
Now I wonder if my joke about my Japanese being phenomenal by the time chapter 22 comes out will be serious or not. (“Phenomenal” is subjective, by the way.)
I feel so happy though learning about that.
I’ve literally fantasized possible scenarios because I needed to calm myself down on what might happen in chapter 22.
Frrriiiiiccccccck, I’m so excited!!
For now though…uuuh…Kyo Kara Maoh! and my own dang stories!
Cool Shiznit for You to Do
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This is where you can help me out – let me know your question(s) about my creative process!
Submit your question(s) below. You may be the inspiration for the next ramble!
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